Fear and torment - A personal testimony
There was a time in my life when I suffered from fear of everything. When I came to the Lord I was a frightened girl. Slowly but surely God started to heal me and deliver me from these excessive fears but some were still persistent.
As I continued my walk with God it gradually got better, or I got better at taking authority over these irrational fears and thoughts. Fears ranged from fear of flying, fear of catching diseases and fear of germs (germophobia). I also used to get paranoid thoughts about food being contaminated and people being demonic. This caused friction all round with family members who thought I was extreme and controlling. Meanwhile I was afraid. Who knows where these excessive fears came from and why they wouldn’t go away even though I was saved. Perhaps it was because I had lived on my own since the age of 15 and had to fend for myself. Maybe it was because I got involved with drugs at a young age. Perhaps it was because of getting involved as a teenager in things that were not of God. Nevertheless it instilled fear in me.
Roll on a few years later when I am saved and doing much better. I now had a bit more control than before and was able to take authority over these fears and irrational thoughts.
Then one day I was seriously attacked by the devil in this area. He put so much fear on me over something so stupid that I just couldn’t shake it off. It plagued me day and night, morning and evening. My stomach would just turn over and over. The thoughts of the repercussions of this thing rolled around in my head and it included the guilt that I felt at the possible repercussions. I became ill with fear. I couldn’t do anything because I was tormented by this. It was totally debilitating and on top of that I had to hide it because if I told anyone they’d think I was crazy! If you don’t know what this feels like then I’m glad. I never want anyone to experience this ever. It is hell on earth. You can’t run away from your own thoughts and they are capable of sending you loopy.
What I couldn’t understand was two things. Number one, I knew about taking authority and I took it. I told the devil where to go but he wouldn’t leave! Number two, I knew enough of the Word to know that these are thoughts in my head and I didn’t need to ‘take’ them (Matthew 6:31). But there they were. Relentless, unstoppable, persistent.
Then I prayed “God why is this happening to me? What is this?’. God spoke to me immediately and told me to go to 1 John 4:18:
‘There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.’
I knew exactly what God was saying to me. He was pointing out that I was not walking in love. I had no idea about this but as soon as I asked who I am not walking in love with I saw the person’s face. Oh, I said to myself. But I thought I was ok with that person. I wasn’t angry or annoyed (anymore) I was just indifferent. I had no interest in them whatsoever. They were neither here or there to me. But God showed me that all those feelings of indifference stemmed from offence.
Do you know it wasn’t a nanosecond before I immediately adjusted myself? I changed my heart in a heartbeat. I had NO time to waste with this. I got such a revelation I didn’t need any more explanation. My eyes were enlightened and I knew what I had to do. This thing had tormented me for days no end. I changed so quickly it was incredible. I remember having read similar accounts of brother Kenneth Hagin who spoke of the same kind of quick adjustment he made when God showed him he was walking out of love. I too, had no time to waste. There was no time for discussion or thinking about it.
Do you know what happened when I did that? Every single one of those tormenting thoughts disappeared quicker than you can say ‘In the Name of Jesus!’. I mean it was like going from night to day in an instant. I searched for the thoughts but they were not there. Every time I thought of the triggers that brought on these thoughts there was nothing. NOTHING! I cannot tell you what this lesson did for me. Firstly I was SO grateful to God. If you’ve ever been bound by anything at all you would know how grateful I was to be free of this thing that I couldn’t control no matter how much rebuking I did. I was grateful and I was relieved but most of all I was enlightened.
I got the biggest revelation that anyone can get about the power of walking in love and the danger of walking out of love. This was such a lesson that now, when I feel fear of anything, especially irrational fear (there are fears that are naturally speaking rational), then I immediately check my heart. Am I walking in love? If I’m not I instantly change because I will NOT give the enemy a foothold in my life. Ever.
People if we could get this one thing I believe many of our lives would be transformed.
Why is it so important to walk in love? There are spiritual laws that govern everything we do. We choose whether to walk in the law of sin and death (offence, jealousy, pride, hatred) or the law of life in Christ Jesus (love). The Bible says that when you walk in love, you walk in the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus (Love) as opposed to the spirit of sin and death (offence and selfishness etc.) Romans, 8:2.
The Bible also says that all the law and prophets hang on these two laws: Love God with all your heart, mind, strength and soul and love your neighbour as yourself (Matthew 22:40). Both of these laws are based on LOVE. Think about it for a second. All of the Old Testament laws hang on these two laws. That is 613 Old Testament laws are fulfilled by these two commandments (laws). The law of love.
I don’t know about you but I want to fulfil the commandments of God. I want it to go well with me and I certainly do not want to be tormented by fear or give the enemy any leeway into my life.
Do you really want to take that risk? You can go ahead and rebuke the devil all day long but if you are not walking in love you are walking in sin and death and you have absolutely no legal right to tell the devil anything. You’re in his territory! You do as he says. He is your boss.
However, if you are walking in love and forgiveness (that is towards others, God and yourself!) then the devil cannot touch you no matter what he tries and if he does you have every legal right to rebuke him and he will have to flee!
So from now on I want you to use this as your measuring stick. If something is tormenting you relentlessly and you cannot cast it off, you cannot cast it to God or you cannot make the devil flee from you, check your love walk. Ask the Holy Spirit who you may have been walking out of love with, then adjust your heart immediately and watch the devil squirm in defeat!
Fear has torment but perfect love casts out fear. If you want to cast out fear you had better make your love perfect. It is your shield against fear and the evil one.
Love you so much. Remember with Jesus you ALWAYS win.
Blessings,
Oceans
