Are You A Control Freak?

Who doesn't like to have all their ducks lined up in a row and know exactly what's going on? Not many people, unless they are children or teenagers without a care in the world!

Most people however, like to have a sense of control. We feel secure knowing that with each new day the sun will rise and set and there will be day and night. We know that we have our jobs to go to and our lives compartmentalised into daily, weekly and monthly slots where we know exactly or almost exactly what will be expected of us.

We have also grown accustomed to managing (controlling) our emotions. We know what makes us happy or sad and we either seek or avoid these situations.

But what happens when we cannot control certain things?

I have noticed in myself and many others that when we don't like something we tend to avoid it and if we cannot avoid it we tend to try to change it. We may be successful in bringing about some change by exerting a certain amount of influence over a situation or a person but when we cannot it becomes complicated and our efforts can turn from gentle pressure to being controlling.

The reality is that our tendency to control our environment is a natural survival instinct based on the instinct of self-preservation. However, it is not conducive to trusting in God because it doesn't rely on God but on self.

I know this too well. I confess, I like to control things. I like certain things done in a certain way. I'm used to it and it makes me feel safe and secure. It has taken me a long time to get to this place of knowing what works for me and what inconveniences me so I try very hard to protect that and guess what? It's not even a conscious thing anymore. I do it without knowing it.

The problem with self-preservation and being in control however, is that it pushes God out of the picture. While you're in control God can't move.

Here's where being in control can get in the way:

1. It stops God from moving - When you're believing God but you are doing all the 'doing' you are not relying on God. You are relying on your own ability to change things. This blocks God. God may want to do it one way and you may be doing it another. Also, it's faith that pleases God not works. It's not faith if you are in control outside of what God has told you. There is only one person that can be in control and you must choose whether it's you or Him.

2. You make it worse - Have you ever tried to make things better but ended up making them worse because of your 'well-meaning' interfering? Sometimes our idea of help is not help at all. It comes from fear of the consequences and you feel you must do something to avoid these consequences. You feel that by doing something you are being responsible and by doing nothing you are being irresponsible. However, often things pan out on their own and they don't need your help. If left alone they will sort themselves out.

3. You become exhausted - Believe me, if you feel that you always have to work everything out you will be worn out. You will be running here and there, talking, scheming, thinking, asking for help and meanwhile YOU are wearing yourself out because let's be honest, being controlling comes from worry. If you were not worried that things would go wrong you would not try to fix them or prevent them from going wrong.

4. Manipulation - Being in control can reach extremes and can very easily lead to you manipulating situations to avoid the undesirable. You may come up with divisive schemes so that things can go your way but that is ungodly. If fear of an outcome is making you be that controlling then fear has got control of you.

5. You will alienate people - It won't be long before your controlling ways begin to rub people the wrong way and while your friends may tolerate you in smaller doses, your direct family who see you everyday and are sometimes victims of your controlling ways, will soon tire of it and you may risk driving them further away.

So, what to do? The very obvious option is to address the fear or cause of the anxiety that's making you want to be in control. Control as a self-protection mechanism is completely understandable in the natural, however it is not a reason to stay that way. God understands your need for safety and security but HE wants to be your safetly and security. The truth is, even if you could control most things in your life, you cannot control all, so what will you do with those things you can't control? Isn't it better to let go and let God with everything?

Once you have addressed the fear and you have received God's peace in it's place, you then have to practice 'Letting go' or casting your cares upon Him (1 Peter 5:7).

The word cast means to 'violently throw with force'. When we are casting we are not shedding, we are not dropping and we are not releasing. We are actively throwing all our cares to Him with force.

So right now. Stop what you're doing (except if you're driving, don't stop driving!) and think about that very thing that is making you worry and be a control freak. Now take that thing and pretend that you are scrumpling it up like a piece of paper (do the actions) and then throw that thing as far as you can with all your might! You will be amazed how doing this little exercise can help you to off load so much of that care and worry and help you to give that control over to God.

Now do the same with everything that concerns you and have a truly blessed, peaceful and stress-free weekend.

Many Blessings Oceans